Flaw in My Code
by Maeverick
Summary: Madeline Cain (MC) has a complicated past. When she and Seven finally get together, the couple is forced to cope with her trauma, Seven's emotional complexity, unrequited love from another RFA member, and a dark web of lies from Maddie's former life which follows her across the world. Will they succeed in fighting it all and stay together, or will they fold under pressure?
1. Nightmare

**Author's note:** This is cross-posted at ao3 and started out as a chapter in my other fic Shattered, which is about mental health and the MM guys, but as I was writing, I didn't want this version of MC (for the purpose of this story, Madeline Cain) and her relationship with Seven to just be a vignette, and it grew into this story.

A lot of the content is more culturally American/Western than the original MM. Given that I don't know that much about South Korean culture outside of Cheritz games, a lot of this - particularly the way the story deals with issues of sex, sexuality, and gender ended up being fairly culturally American, although I think that's pretty common for FanFiction written in English. This story's MC is American, and her involvement in the MM storyline is pretty canon standard. Details not in the game are developed, but other than that, it's pretty much a continuation of canon through Seven's relationship with MC after the end of the game.

If you have time to review, it would be much appreciated!

Spoiler alert for secret endings, Seven's route, and possibly other routes as well. Trigger warnings for self-harm, abuse, and sex.

" _Light is easy to love.  
Show me your darkness."  
-R Queen_

James opened the door, but didn't make eye contact with me. I braced myself for a confrontation. I didn't like to argue, but I liked being lied to far less. His home was spotless as usual. But when, in the past, he had tried to remove traces of my wife, this time, her clothes were in the laundry. A feminine looking blanket was draped across the couch, and Desperate Housewives had been paused on the television, a show for which I knew he would have no patience. I had come by for a late-night visit. She was supposed to be visiting her mother, but I saw them, through the window, in an intimate moment. When James looked out, we made eye contact. We had barely spoken since.

"I don't have much time, Madeline. I'm leaving to campaign soon."

"What were you doing with her? You told me you weren't… together anymore." I followed him up the stairs at his townhouse, trying not to yell. An affair with a politician sounds a lot more scandalous than it felt when I was getting into it. He was an adjunct at my university. He taught a class. I went to office hours, and he convinced me to campaign for him. Nights got late at the campaign, and things… happened. It didn't seem that serious to me. I didn't realize the ramifications until he introduced me, at a campaign fundraiser, to his wife.

"Don't worry about it babe. We were just talking. She wants me to win the next election." I knew this was a lie.

"It didn't look like talking to me. Do you meet to lobby while shirtless, too? Does she know you have a girlfriend?"

"It's not like that. She doesn't need to know."

"How do you think infidelity would help your election chances?" I pulled out my phone, typing on Tripter. "I don't want to do this anymore," I said, choking back a sob. I hated feeling like the other woman. Every time he touched me, it made me think of her, and how awful she must feel.

"Don't you dare," he said menacingly.

"Or what? You can't do anything to me. You know I'll tell the press about everything if you do.

"I don't think so." He shoved me against the wall, wrapping his hands around my neck.

"James, you're hurting me. Let go," I coughed. "I can't breathe."

"No. If I can't have your fidelity, I will demand your obedience… And if I can't, I will put you in the fucking ground. There is no proof of anything happening between us. The best part about a secret affair is that it's easy to erase evidence." The look in his eyes scared me. There was none of love there which he had professed to me in the past. No light. No empathy. All I saw was dark and ruthless ambition.

"Okay…" I cried. I felt my vision going dark and my fingers had begun to numb with fear. "I won't tell anyone anything. But I don't want to see you ever again, either." My consciousness was starting to fade away when he let me go. I collapsed at his feet, and air rushed into my lungs, but my relief was cut short when he kicked me. My head was already spinning, but things only got worse when I fell down the stairs. I was lucky that he kicked me from the ground. If I had been standing, and pushed, I probably would have broken my neck. But instead, I came away with bruises, scrapes, and a long cut down my arm.

I awoke in a panic. I could feel the blood seeping down my arm and my throat closing up. My face was wet with tears, and I started scratching myself. I couldn't stop scratching. My skin felt too filthy. I couldn't believe I had let that man touch me. It wasn't just the choking which I could feel. It was his fingers in my hair, his mouth on mine, and his hands on me.

"Madeline?" A gentle voice asked. I looked down at the bed and saw Saeyoung lying there, looking up at me with a worried expression. I had been so caught up that I had forgotten that he was there. "You should have woken me up. You know I am always here for you if you have a nightmare. You know. Defender of justice and all that includes sweet dreams of my beautiful girlfriend as well." He looked at me and saw the scratch marks on my arms and chest. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I have allergies and my skin was itchy." He looked at me suspiciously.

"What was your dream about?"

"I don't remember," I lied.

"Come back to bed."

"I need to take a shower."

"Let me join you," he said, smiling at me.

"It will be a cold shower."

"I'll brave the cold to wash my girlfriend's hair. I can't believe you think so little of me," he laughed. When I got out of bed, he followed me and hugged me from behind, kissing the crook of my neck. I was starting to feel more connected to reality. The memory of that man's hands on me was less fresh, even if it would never be gone. I turned on the water, and, as I'd promised, it was cold. This would probably stop me from sleeping for the rest of the night, but it would also clear my mind. I got in first and started shivering, but the feeling of dirt was already washing off of my body.

"Are you sure you want a cold shower?" He seemed to have his reservations.

"Yes."

"Okay… I'll join you then." My shower may have been cold, but his skin was still warm. I had intended to quickly run in and wash my hair, but when my boyfriend slipped his hands around waist and started kissing me, it was clear that this was going to take a while. I quietly moaned. "This water is awful, but you're… still so warm," he said, trailing his hand across the top of my thighs before touching me.

"St-stop," I whimpered. He paused.

"You want me to stop?"

"No," I said, putting his hand back where it had been. "We need a safe word." He nodded and kissed me, pushing his fingers inside of me and curling them back in the best way. "Oh my god," I moaned. "Saeyoung… That feels amazing."

"One day, I want to kiss you in the rain," he said, smiling. "It's one of the things on my soulmates bucket list."

"You're so-"

"Charlie," he called, shouting.

"Huh?"

"I named it." The robot cat he had made walked into the bathroom.

"Sensing depression," it announced. I gulped.

"Why did it say 'sensing depression?' Are you okay?"

"It's just the steam messing with it. I don't think Charlie is waterproof. But tell it to be quiet. I have a headache." He looked at me, confused.

"Charlie, add 'kiss Madeline in the rain' to soulmate bucket list."

"Item added," it replied, before walking back out of the room.

"Good. I was a little worried it would start shooting fire." I was relieved and felt a mild amount of pressure slip off my chest. Saeyoung didn't know about my affair with James, my parents, or much of anything else which had happened to me in the US... and I didn't want him to.

"Even if it did, you'd still be the hottest part of this room."

"Also, soulmate bucket list?!"

"Of course. It's not that I can't remember, but I just really like hearing Charlie say it back." I ran my hands through his hair. "Maddie?"

"Yeah?"

"This feels so real."

"It is," I said, reaching down so I could squeeze him, and he groaned. I kept stroking him, and kissed him, starting at his mouth, and then down his chest, covered in goosebumps, and stomach, which made him flinch in laughter. I dropped to my knees and teased him with my tongue, and then I took him in my mouth. He wrapped his hands in my hair, and, as I tasted him, I was sure that I wouldn't be bothered with thoughts of any other man for quite a while.

 _"Drink up with me now and forget all about_ _  
_ _The pressure of days. Do what I say,_ _  
_ _And I'll make you okay and drive them away_ _  
_ _The images stuck in your head_ _  
_ _People you've been before that you_ _  
_ _Don't want around anymore_ _  
_ _That push and shove and won't bend to your will_ _  
_ _I'll keep them still."_

 **Author Note:** Thanks for reading! Review if you get the chance! Do you like the way Seven is written, or do I need to change him somehow? The at the end is "Between the Bars," by Elliot Smith. You can listen here: watch?v=hPD-a1FjUtU


	2. Cuts

**Author Note:** This is chapter two! CW in this chapter for verbal/physical abuse and suicidality

"Madeline, this isn't good enough," my father said, pointing at the score before hitting me. My cheek stung, and my eyes watered a bit, but this was nothing I hadn't experienced many times before.

"Why not? What isn't good enough? It's top 5%." I had scored well on my national exams. My teachers had ensured me of this.

"We don't pay to send you to private school for top 5%. What a waste. You are a stupid girl and a huge waste of resources."

"Do you agree?" I looked at my mother who was regretfully observing the scene.

"You should listen to your father." I felt like the air had been taken from my chest. I had no allies in this house. I started to walk to my room but paused when I heard them talking.

"I knew we shouldn't have had a child," he said. I choked back a sob. It was moments like this when I agreed. I wished I didn't exist. I turned back to face them.

"Dad, you're right. You made the wrong decision." Hot tears poured down my face as I ran up the stairs. My room was of no comfort to me. It was a reminder that I wouldn't have anything if the two of them hadn't cared for me.

I lay in bed, recalling my past and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to forget their faces. That was a memory I would always live with. I was still laying there, trying to black out that part of my childhood, when my phone ring. My stomach turned. It wasn't my normal, chiming ring, but something much more ominous. When I had changed my parent's call notification to a funeral dirge, it seemed funny at the time. I had thought myself wry and clever, for it would never ring. It would just be something I could laugh about when I was perusing contacts. But here I was, faced with a funeral dirge, functionally forced to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Maddie."

"Father."

"We need to talk."

"Oh, really? I figured you called because you wanted to go jump-roping. Thank you for informing me."

"Enough snark."

"No. Never enough snark."

"Young lady -"

"I'm not so young anymore, Greg. I'm no longer a child." Yeah, I called my parents by their first names when I was displeased with them. It served as a reminder - both to myself, and to them, that they were failed parents. I was in no way responsible for our broken relationships.

"Madeline Cain, you need to speak to me a little more respectfully."

"I would rather not."

"Don't forget that I am the one paying for your life there." I tried to hold back the wave of nausea. I'm sure he loved reminding me of this. "It's time for you to come home."

"No."

"Your study abroad is a waste of money. What have you done with your time? Volunteer? Get B's? None of that is worth the thousands I'm paying. You have to come back to the US. You have no other way to support yourself." I had wracked my mind a million times for this. I couldn't work part-time and do school. I could drop out, but what would that mean for my future? Especially given that I had just submitted a transfer application, to stay here, permanently. I knew I wasn't eligible for any financial aid - my parents were wealthy, and they prided themselves on it, but I hoped that they would decide they didn't want me around and approve of my decision. It wasn't like tuition cost any less in the US. But now, it was looking like that wouldn't be an option I would have. The worst part about abusive parents was that with every part of me that they chipped away, I began to believe them.

"You don't even want me there," I snapped. I threw my phone down - I couldn't stand to hear his voice anymore. It landed on the carpet with a dull thud. The call disconnected. I would have to deal with this soon, but not now. Things were going so well with Saeyoung. Things with his brother were finally getting a little smoother, and he wasn't working at the agency anymore, so he had so much time. I wouldn't mess things up with him. I would have to find some way to stay. That didn't even deal with whether or not it would be safe to go back to the US… No one, including my parents, knew the real reason I had left. As much as I hated my parents, I hated myself so much more for having to be reliant on them. I hated my fate being in the hands of people who could hurt me. I felt a familiar itch in my wrists, and I knew that this phone call was going to unravel me.

" _Sing me to sleep_ _  
_ _And then leave me alone._ _  
_ _Don't try to wake me in the morning,_ _  
_ _'Cause I will be gone._ _  
_ _Don't feel bad for me._ _  
_ _I want you to know,_ _  
_ _Deep in the cell of my heart,_ _  
_ _I will feel so glad to go."_

 **Author note** : What do you think about the way Madeline's background is being revealed? Please review! The song at the end is "Asleep," by The Smiths. You can listen here: watch?v=9grE_VaPcAw

Although Madeline is generally pretty snarky, I think the pain in this song generally encapsulates how she feels inside, regarding her parents.


	3. Unspoken Wishes

**Author Note:** Chapter three! Zen is finally introduced. TW for alcohol and physical intimacy.

 _Two weeks ago:_

Seven was at the hospital with his brother, still. Madeline sat across from me, anxiously glancing at her phone every few minutes, and gnawing on her fingernails. The fireplace near us crackled. It was summer, but King's Coffee loved the winter atmosphere, so they kept it on all-year round. She always insisted on sitting near it, claiming the air conditioning made her too cold.

"Do you think he'll be out soon?"

"No," I told her honestly.

"I… just needed a break. The hospital waiting room was making me crazy."

"He'll understand." Seven probably would, but even if he wouldn't, I would have answered the same. Seven may have been struggling with the situation, but I could see the toll it was taking on her, too. Too often when I came to bring her lunch, her face was streaked with mascara. There were constantly circles under her eyes from losing sleep in the fluorescent lighting. "What do you want?"

"Honestly, not coffee."

"Are you hungry?"

"No," she laughed darkly. "I need a drink. Is that too horrible? Going out while he's at his brother's hospital bed?" I looked at her, and something lurched in my stomach. It was late, and she shouldn't have been saying something like that to me. I wasn't her boyfriend.

"Don't say things like that to me. You'll give me the wrong idea."

"Well, don't get the wrong idea. Does that fix it?" I sighed. Not really, I thought to myself. But I knew I would have no luck convincing her. There was no way she would understand.

"I want to go to Magnolia's. I haven't been out in forever. You should come with me." She wasn't asking. "Pleeease?" I couldn't say no, to her, like that.

"Just don't drink too much, okay. And don't let me. I followed her out of the coffee shop, trying to ignore the glare from the cashier because we hadn't bought anything. Maddie's favorite bar wasn't far, and we walked there - probably for the best, because I didn't like the idea of either of us being put in a position where we would have to drive.

The line wasn't long, and before I could blink, or reconsider this, extremely bad decision, we were pushing our way through crowds of bodies, music pulsing.

"MC," I called. I was the only one who adopted the abbreviation, and I knew she hated it, but it was easier to yell. "Stay with me." She shrugged and kept making her way to the bar. The bartender was looking at her in a way which made me uncomfortable. I couldn't imagine any boyfriend being okay with this outing, but I tried to hold my tongue. Her relationship was her business. I would just do my best to take care of her. If I hadn't agreed to go, she would have left by herself. When I looked at, I wondered if this had been the plan along. She wasn't dressed for either a coffee shop or waiting in a hospital. Had she plotted this, knowing I would go along if she pushed me? Ugh, only someone like her could date Seven. She was stubborn, optimistic, and brilliant, very patient, and… wearing a very short skirt. I ran towards the bar.

"Madeline! What are you wearing?"

"Huh? The same thing I was wearing earlier. What's up with you?" She looked at me in confusion. "He'd like a cold beer." Ah. I had forgotten the last quality. Completely, obliviously, unaware of the rest of humanity. Maddie could be a bit of an alien, too. "I want two shots of -"

"You're going to get a hangover. Don't drink too much. And you can't be wearing things like that out… Most men aren't gentlemen, like me." She glared at me but ignored my concerns.

"Three shots, then." I frowned. "Don't worry. One of them is for you," she said with a grin.

"I don't even like that stuff."

"I'm paying. And you're supposed to be comforting me. I think we should have a fun time tonight and get drunk. I'm tired of worrying, and I'm sure you are, too." Yeah… tired of worrying. I sure was. I could hardly sleep at night when I thought of her, sitting there, biting her nails like she had been earlier today. The bartender still had his eyes on her, and handed her the drinks.

"It's on the house," he told her. He was staring down at her, checking out the way she looked in her dress. I felt my face go red with anger.

"Thanks," she grinned. "Come on Zen, drink up!"

"Sure, honey," I said, putting my arm around her. I tried to ignore how soft she was… how silky her hair felt. She looked at me strangely.

"What are you doing?" She said, looking up at me with annoyance. Thankfully, the bar was so noisy that I doubt anyone else heard.

"Just roll with it," I muttered, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "That guy is hitting on you." The proximity was making me nervous for getting a little too excited, so I pulled away quickly.

"Um, okay… Well, I'm not trying to carry drinks with me. I'll spill." She quickly downed her two shots and handed me mine. The taste hurt my throat, but the way it softened my mind was a relief. The bartender was glaring at me, but still handed me my beer. I looked back at him smugly. Although I had no legitimacy to be smug, I had, at least for a moment, been able to pretend she was mine. "Let's go sit over there, then," she said. We were lucky to see that there was a couple who had just gotten up from a table, leaving it empty. They were having an intimate moment, publicly. He was kissing her, and her hands were in his hair. I sighed and thought of all of the nights I had returned to my apartment, empty. The mornings I had spent, wishing there was someone I could make breakfast. All I wanted was a nice girlfriend to take care of, and… to love. I shook my head, trying to get the glum thoughts away, and looked at Maddie. I would be a sad drunk the other 364 days of the year.

"Drink your beer," she said buoyantly. The smile on her Maddie's was plastered, and didn't seem real at all. It was clear she was trying to convince herself to have a good time. I took a sip of my drink, and tried not to gag. The beer was warm. A server came over to us. She probably had noticed that neither of us had anything on the table other than my beer, and pushed through the crowds of people dancing. As she approached, I noticed her staring at me.

"Z-Zen?" I nodded at her. It was too loud to have a real conversation. A second glance at her told me she was pretty. She had long, dark hair, big eyes, and a nervous smile. She looked… a bit familiar, but I couldn't think of who she reminded me of. "Can I get you anything?" Her eyes seemed like they were going to pop out of her head. This had to be a fan. She glanced at Maddie and frowned. "And you?"

"Just two more shots for me," she said. "He likes cold beer." She grinned at the girl conspiratorially, and I prayed that this wasn't something Maddie had set up because she thought I was lonely.

"Are you t-together?" She stuttered.

"Nope," Maddie grinned. "He's totally single." The server blinked and turned her attention to me.

"I can get you anything. It's totally on me. I'm Emily. I'm your fan." Her grin was so wide that it was nearly blinding. She stepped closer. "You like beer? I can show you our special beer menu. Come with me." I sighed tiredly. I was not nearly drunk enough for this.

"I don't mess around," I told her honestly. "I respect women."

"It's okay then," she said, smile slightly dimmer. "We can just talk… and I can get you some drinks - totally free. You seem stressed. How about some shots?" Maddie was nodding enthusiastically. I made eye contact with her.

"I shouldn't leave you here."

"No, go! I'm totally fine. I see my friend over there." She waved at a pink haired girl who I had never seen before. "Zoey," she yelled, gesturing to come over. When the other girl made eye contact, she looked thrilled, and she pushed her way towards the table.

"Oh my god, Madeline! I haven't seen you in forever."

"How are you?" She looked excited to see her friend and winked at me before nodding at the waitress.

"I'm great! Who is this?" She gestured at Zen, raising her eyebrows.

"Just a friend. He was just going to talk with," she narrowed her eyes at the server's name tag. "Emily, about beers. Let's catch up! Zen, move so she can sit down." Maddie practically pushed me out of my chair.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm super sure. Let me talk to my friend!" She was faking irritation. I could tell. She just wanted me to go with Emily, who was eagerly watching me. I sighed, but decided to go along with this. If it would make her feel better, I could talk to this girl a bit. As I was walking towards the bar with her, the music dimmed, and I overheard Maddie's friend.

"Madeline - is he into you?"

"No way. He's just a friend. Besides, I'm with Saeyoung. Have I told you about him?" "No, but that waitress… looks just like you."

"Huh? I don't see the similarity. Let's snapchat my boyfriend." She pulled out her phone and took a video of the two of them, saying hello to Seven. Maddie said that she loved him. Something pulled at my heartstrings, but I redirected my attention to the cute waitress.

"What do you want to drink? She said you liked beer?"

"Get whatever," I said disinterestedly, trying to make it less obvious that I was watching Maddie, who had gotten up and was now dancing with her friend.

"Okay, remember you said you were down for anything, though." She snuck behind the bar and poured a number of shots for me. I swallowed one, and she did the same. I coughed at the taste.

"What the hell is this? It's awful."

"Everclear. We're the only bar in the area which serves it. It's like, 95% alcohol." I looked back at her, and she was looking even more like Maddie as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Let's do some more!" I took three more shots with her, and my world was spinning. I didn't feel nauseous - my tolerance wasn't low enough for that, but I was definitely going to have a little trouble walking and would have a headache the next day.

"Let's get out of here," Emily said.

"No… you have your job," I slurred.

"Don't worry," she said, stepping out from behind the bar, and putting a hand on my chest. "My shift is over." She grabbed my hand and started dragging me towards the bar. I tried not to stumble and looked back, trying to find Maddie. She was just where I left her - taking more shots with her friend, and looking relaxed as she videoed the two of them, before blowing a kiss at the camera. Her poor boyfriend was not going to like this. But at least she seemed safe, and happy enough. I drunkenly followed Emily around the building an into a back alley. If she were more menacing, I would worry for my safety, but she was small and cute, so I was more worried about her. She pushed me against the wall, pressing her body against me.

"No, stop…" I said. "Don't do this. I can't… I don't want to take advantage of you. You should worry more about your safety."

"I want this, Zenny. I've been your fan for a long time, and I've wanted to kiss you ever since I saw you in the Dandelion musical." Huh? That show had been a flop.

"Zenny?" That was Maddie's occasional nickname for me… Emily ignored my hesitance and pulled me close, kissing me. I closed. I could feel her in my arms. I saw my hands running through her long hair, and her reaching up to kiss my like Emily was. Emily took my hand and put it on her chest, whimpering as I touched her. It wasn't Emily I wanted to kiss.

"Hmm, Maddie," I whispered, pulling her closer. "You're so cute."

"Emily," the girl said, sounding annoyed. "My name is Emily." I went back to kissing her again, with visions of someone else clouding my mind. She unbuttoned my shirt, kissing me. I was in another world, and the wall was the only thing keeping me from falling down.

"Omg," I heard a familiar voice say.

"Madeline, be quiet. Didn't you want him to hook up with someone? Don't be so loud. You'll ruin the mood." I felt my senses snap back to reality, but my head was still spinning. I looked down at the girl who was running her hands through my hair. What was I doing?

"Emily," I said. "Stop." She ignored me, and I gently pushed her off of me. "You seem like a nice person. Don't do this."

"What? I thought you wanted…"

"I don't. Go - back to work or wherever it is you should be. You should be more careful."I walked off, trying to button my shirt up, but struggling.

"Zen, no!" Maddie drunkenly shouted at me as she saw me walking away. "Don't tell me you messed things up with her." I looked at her angrily.

"Why did you let me do that?"

"What? There's nothing wrong with it. You're both adults." I shook my head at her. "Zen, walk me home." Zoey raised an eyebrow. "Zoey, it's fine. I'll see you around later, it was great catching up," she laughed. Maddie was clearly drunk. "I need your help," she said, looking up at me, leaning into me. Honestly, I wasn't sure that I could be of much help to her. I was pretty drunk myself. My only hope was that neither of us would remember this tomorrow. "But first, you need mine." I glanced at her as she reached across my chest and tried to finish clasping the buttons on my shirt, but she was totally failing and just ended up poking me a lot. I swatted her hand away.

"Stop," I said, looking at her seriously, before returning attention to her friend. "It was nice meeting you," I muttered. Zoey walked off, and I could feel her eyes on us. Based on how Maddie was acting, she had legitimacy to be suspicious.

"Where do you know her from?"

"Zoey? She's a friend from high school, but we kept in touch through college. I haven't talked to her... in a while."

"You two seemed… friendly," I said with a hiccup. "Wait, didn't you go to high school in the US?"

"Yeah. We randomly both ended up studying abroad here. I've seen her instagram photos but we never managed to time thins correctly to meet up until now. She's great. She told me the funniest story about a tinder date she had just gone on…" I could barely feel time passing. I listened to the soft sound of her voice, sharing so much with me. Why did she do it? Couldn't she tell how I felt? Before long, we had gotten to Rika's… well, now Maddie's apartment.

"Bye Zen!" She waved at me as she fumbled with the keypad. "Unless… are you tired? You can stay the night if you need to." I shook my head at her in disbelief but felt compelled by her voice. She must have sensed my hesitation. "It's fine, you can sleep on my couch. It's no big. I never get to have people over… it was just recently that all the classified information was taken out of here, so I've never had a guest. Aside from Saeyoung, you'll be the first other RFA member to spend the night here." My eyes widened. I knew she genuinely didn't mean anything other than a place to sleep so I wouldn't have to cab home, but she really shouldn't have been talking to me like this. I followed her inside. I knew that what was happening was wrong, but she looked so pretty… I just couldn't tell her no when I was this drunk, and this late at night, when I was so wolfy. When she shut the door behind her, she was standing in front of me, looking vulnerable.

"Madeline! What are you doing? I'm a man. I'm not your boyfriend! Why did you invite me in here?"

"Ugh, we wouldn't even been having this conversation if you had hooked up with that girl like I told you to. I don't need to hear this right now." She looked annoyed.

"If you don't stop talking, I'm really going to take things the wrong way. That… physical intimacy you were encouraging me towards is something you should save for people you love. I hope you don't take things so lightly. You don't go around hooking up with people, do you? Because I don't think Seven would like that very much." I realized I had raised my voice at her.

"Zen. What is wrong with you? Of course. I don't even hold hands with anyone but Sae-" I shoved her against her door, silencing her words with a kiss. She immediately pushed me away.

"Is this what you wanted?" I asked her, darkly.

"What the fuck are you doing?" She snapped, looking pissed. I realized how badly I had messed up.

"I am a man, Maddie. You need to remember that." Her face turned from dark to light, seeming to have already forgotten what had just happened, and she laughed.

"Zenny, you're not a man to me. We talk about stuff like skin care and my relationship, and how relatable "Satisfied" from Hamilton was when Saeyoung was pushing me away. You like sweet coffee drinks and hate shots. You're like a girlfriend to me." I turned away from her. I felt like I had been stabbed. Thankfully, she was drunk enough that she wouldn't remember this tomorrow, but I knew that I would… A girlfriend to her? The reason "Satisfied" was relatable to me… how could she not know?

" _Eleven O'Clock,_ _  
_ _It's got me real low._ _  
_ _Restaurants are shutting, and I'm sitting here just thinking,_ _  
_ _What I haven't done and won't get to now… Will I ever let you know?"_

Author Note: I thought it would be fitting for Zen's first chapter to end with musical theatre references. For context, the song "Satisfied" is about someone in love with her sister's husband, and the unrequition which accompanies the situation. This is the song, if you're interested:  
watch?v=f0EqxnWxlvY

The lyrics in the summary are from the song "Eleven O'Clock," which I think perfectly encapsulates Zen's situation here. It's another Broadway song. It's the sort of song I can see Zen singing (I picture him being so good at vulnerability in his acting). You can listen here: watch?v=VPurILZi5LQ

Please leave a review if you have any thoughts on the way Zen is being written!


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